I cried.. After so long a time I cried.. It was something I never expected to happen.. I was talking.. Then I choked with tears.. I was sobbing.. Trying to speak as clearly as I can..
It did not end up the way we want it to be.. It was not clarified.. We just accepted that it will never be answered.. That everything will only be an enigma.. That piece of puzzle that will never be found.. So many questions..
I have never felt so much for the people that have been close to me.. Not as much as this.. I was.. Oh.. I get it.. I felt so happy with them that I feared losing them.. That's what I felt at that time.. I was so afraid everything will fall into pieces.. That all this will shatter.. So I cried..
I also cried because it was hard to admit that one weakness I was having.. That people will look at me differently once all is revealed.. That they would turn away.. Avoid me from that point on.. Treat me as a stranger.. Someone they never knew.. Or regret ever knowing.. Pretend we never crossed roads..
I don't know what will happen next.. I prolly won't be like what I was when I started.. I don't know.. Those unanswered questions.. What happened earlier.. Will remain in me.. I thought I was just being friendly.. I thought I was helping.. But people thought I was just trying to get attention.. I was named something not so nice.. Although I would have wished some of them courage to stand up.. Not because they wanted to vindicate someone.. But because they knew that a wrong has been done..
I was a bit disappointed.. But the good thing is that I was able to get a glimpse of truth.. They showed who they are.. I was able to know who amongst them can be a true friend.. That no matter what issues we have, we are able to accept each other fully..
I have to go.. I have a lot I wanted to say but I can't find the words.. Today was a bit heavy.. It hit me bigtime..
It did not end up the way we want it to be.. It was not clarified.. We just accepted that it will never be answered.. That everything will only be an enigma.. That piece of puzzle that will never be found.. So many questions..
I have never felt so much for the people that have been close to me.. Not as much as this.. I was.. Oh.. I get it.. I felt so happy with them that I feared losing them.. That's what I felt at that time.. I was so afraid everything will fall into pieces.. That all this will shatter.. So I cried..
I also cried because it was hard to admit that one weakness I was having.. That people will look at me differently once all is revealed.. That they would turn away.. Avoid me from that point on.. Treat me as a stranger.. Someone they never knew.. Or regret ever knowing.. Pretend we never crossed roads..
I don't know what will happen next.. I prolly won't be like what I was when I started.. I don't know.. Those unanswered questions.. What happened earlier.. Will remain in me.. I thought I was just being friendly.. I thought I was helping.. But people thought I was just trying to get attention.. I was named something not so nice.. Although I would have wished some of them courage to stand up.. Not because they wanted to vindicate someone.. But because they knew that a wrong has been done..
I was a bit disappointed.. But the good thing is that I was able to get a glimpse of truth.. They showed who they are.. I was able to know who amongst them can be a true friend.. That no matter what issues we have, we are able to accept each other fully..
I have to go.. I have a lot I wanted to say but I can't find the words.. Today was a bit heavy.. It hit me bigtime..
1 comment:
Everything will be okay. I always tell it to Jeri. :) And you'll see, one day when you look back.. everything that happened yesterday was not that overwhelming after all. Believe me. :)
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