Day 09: Of Emotions and Lessons Learned

I cried.. After so long a time I cried.. It was something I never expected to happen.. I was talking.. Then I choked with tears.. I was sobbing.. Trying to speak as clearly as I can..

It did not end up the way we want it to be.. It was not clarified.. We just accepted that it will never be answered.. That everything will only be an enigma.. That piece of puzzle that will never be found.. So many questions..

I have never felt so much for the people that have been close to me.. Not as much as this.. I was.. Oh.. I get it.. I felt so happy with them that I feared losing them.. That's what I felt at that time.. I was so afraid everything will fall into pieces.. That all this will shatter.. So I cried..

I also cried because it was hard to admit that one weakness I was having.. That people will look at me differently once all is revealed.. That they would turn away.. Avoid me from that point on.. Treat me as a stranger.. Someone they never knew.. Or regret ever knowing.. Pretend we never crossed roads..

I don't know what will happen next.. I prolly won't be like what I was when I started.. I don't know.. Those unanswered questions.. What happened earlier.. Will remain in me.. I thought I was just being friendly.. I thought I was helping.. But people thought I was just trying to get attention.. I was named something not so nice.. Although I would have wished some of them courage to stand up.. Not because they wanted to vindicate someone.. But because they knew that a wrong has been done..

I was a bit disappointed.. But the good thing is that I was able to get a glimpse of truth.. They showed who they are.. I was able to know who amongst them can be a true friend.. That no matter what issues we have, we are able to accept each other fully..

I have to go.. I have a lot I wanted to say but I can't find the words.. Today was a bit heavy.. It hit me bigtime..

Day 08: Sunday

So with the 30 Day Blog Challenge that I was able to get online, there was a 3 day vacation hiatus.. The creator was to go on a trip for those 3 days.. So for 3 days I have to make my own ectry.. And I decided to just talk (err... write) about these 3 days.. I actually started yesterday Day 07: My Saturday

I am looking up tutorials on how to do the 1920's makeup.. I was assigned to do makeup and costume for our performers this coming Sunday.. It's the company's Christmas Party and a contest was made, with the theme of broadway musical.. We decided to perform Cabaret, and since I was asked to do the makeup, I had to get inspiration..

It's my first time to do makeup.. And I have never done it before.. So I hope that they will still end up being my friends after the performance.. Teehee..

I was also told yesterday during my former team's christmas party that I will be singing at the wedding.. Not sure which part of the wedding though.. So I am cramming for songs that I can sing.. I even asked a friend (another former teammate who also left the comapny) if we can sing a duet, which she actually agreed.. Way back we used to sing songs together on freetime.. If there's nothing to do at the office.. We had a collection of lyrics and we sometimes sing with blending voices..

I'm also thinking of what to wear on our christmas party.. Prolly the one I wore last year, I've only worn it once.. And it's a waste if I can't wear it again considering I spent a lot for it..

I already have an idea what to wear for my friend's wedding.. I got an inspiration from one of the websites I often visit.. They have cool designs, unfortunately they don't have bigger sizes so I have to recreate it and have it custom made..

Looking forward to tomorrow.. We will be having some discussions to settle some issues.. Something happened last Friday and it affected some of us bigtime.. I am hoping this gets resolved.. Wish us luck...

Day 07: My Saturday

My weekend was great!! I got to be with my former teammates.. I really missed them so much.. Too bad I was not able to take photos of them..

It was the perfect timing.. I was having some 'stress time' with training, and being with was enough for me to get back and smile on my way back to the battlefield..

The moment I stepped in Jayson's house my friends jumped with joy, it was obvious how much we missed each other.. We shared laughs, talked about things, ate, drank.. It's one of the happiest days in my 2011 life!!! I actually imagined that everything is a dream.. That I didn't actually leave them.. That I'd wake up grunting about Monday, having a smoke before logging in, talking about stuff while processing documents.. But then again.. I don't want to go through the stress again.. Just like the last time we went out, they keep on telling me leaving the company was a good move..

They also told me I've lost weight and asked me if I have any secrets in losing weight.. I actually had none.. And I've been noticing for the past few days that some of my clothes have become loose.. I realized you tend to eat less when you're not stressed, which was proven when one of them came late, I said he looked like he gained weight and he said it was because of stress..

I actually plan to lose weight and I'll start by next year once my family have settled to our new home.. I have to buy gears fit for excercise.. Good thing my new company has a gym.. Wish me luck..

Day 06: Something that excites you and fills you with joy

Well.. Most of you guys will agree..

Payday!!!

I look forward to paydays.. I am happy when I see I have money on my account.. Then I get excited because I get to shop.. And I get happy when I get to buys things I like..

It's the day people look forward to.. Because we will get what we worked hard for.. The money we spent so much time and effort.. Stress and all.. It's the chance we can go out, relax, unwind, and let all the negativity go.. The time when we can treat ourselves, and sometimes those around us.. The time to be happy, time to recharge before we go back to the toxic environment called OFFICE..

I get excited whenever payday is coming because I get to buy foodstuff.. My friends know I cook, and I love to prepare food for them sometimes.. And I feel good if they love my food.. Food at the pantry can get a bit boring at times so it's a "breather" if people get to eat something different..

I also get to buy things for myself.. I get to buy clothes, accessories, beauty products (yes I tend to be vain sometimes), get a haircut, do foodtripping.. It is also the time when I am untouchable.. People can't just shout at me, boss me around and make me do things I don't want to..

This coming payday I plan to treat myself.. I'll go out by myself.. Eat out, prolly try a new resto, and have coffe or tea.. Sit on a comfortable spot.. Take notes and plan for the next days..

How 'bout you? What excites you and makes you happy?

Share your thoughts..

Day 05: Something in life that gives you balance.

What gives me balance?

I don't know.. I can think of a lot of things.. But I guess one of them are my friends.. They keep my from being insane.. Well they're crazy, but in a good way.. I come to work because I always look forward to those times where we laugh our hearts out for simple reasons (or maybe for no reason at all).. We share things, we help each other out.. We save each other from insanity by being crazy.. Weird but yeah.. That's how we are..

At time when I feel I am losing focus, they come to rescue.. I get back on the ground because my friends are my anchors in life.. When I drift away, they make sure that I will come back.. That I won't get carried by the waves of chaos.. I appreciate how they always come to the rescue.. How they always take care of me.. How we listen to each other.. How at times we get each other's thought by merely glancing at each other.. How all of a sudden we do crazy stuff.. They give me a 'temporary high' at times when gloom sets in.. Just enough for me to recharge and be able to fight back the demons of this dark reality..

I have always been a person that loves company.. I can't imagine being alone.. I always need to be around people.. Not necessarily be the center of attraction.. I just need to be there with them..

Day 04: Something that is part of your routine that you enjoy.

Honestly? I enjoy singing in the bathroom.. Who doesn't?

The acoustics are good, and you can sing your heart out! Well, except when Mom's around.. She'll prolly shout out with decibels greater than the sound of a plane launching..

But yeah, it's fun singing while taking a bath.. That's where most people are with the highest of confidence sing.. You become the master of your own show.. You can sing using the dipper, or a brush, whatever you can grab.. Sometimes it becomes a therapy, a stress-reliever, you can release that extra cup of adrenaline in your blood.. Belt it out, sing a Whitney Houston or a Mariah Carey..

Sometimes when I sing, I imagine myself in front of Simon Cowell or Mr. M and see them with both their hands on the sides of their heads watching in awe as I perform with all my might.. Sing my favorite songs.. That's my frustration really, I should try auditioning for a talent search.. But then again...

NAAAHHHHH!!! I let the treasure be buried.. Rather than end up being on the list of worst auditions.. I mean, I know how to sing, but I am not REALLY good at it.. Videokes, yeah.. But sing in front of a huge crowd.. Nah-ah!!! People won't believe but I'm really shy when it comes to displaying "The talented side of me".. I get the jitters, I get out of tone, my knees get weak.. That's the confidence that I am actually working on..

How about you? What part of a routine do you enjoy?

Day 03: Something with which you struggle

Something with which I struggle.. Hmmnnn..

There are a lot of things I am having a struggle with, but I guess I'd say I am having most struggles in making decisions..I want to make sure that once I choose an option, there's no turning back, therefore, I want to make sure I've thought things well, that I get minimal damage if things go bad, that if I choose a path I will have no regrets..

I hate making wrong judgments, so I want o make sure I have a lot of time before I can decide.. Especially if there are people that will be involved in the process.. I don't want to get blamed.. I hate being blamed, I feel down whenever that happens, so as much as possible I want to make sure that I have assessed and anticipated the outcome for each decision that I make..

I am always awed and I look up to, the people who make such good decisions in life.. I mean, however good or bad it turns out, they still end up smiling, people still end up looking up at them.. I want to be that type of person..

Whenever I make decisions, I take my intuition as a sign.. Whenever I am at a point where I need to decide I rely on my intuition if what I will be doing will be a disadvantage or not.. And most of the time ituitions are correct.. I have learned not to doubt the power of intuition.. I have learned to trust my senses.. I have learned to be aware of my environment.. At some point I have learned to make the right decisions..

But for some reason, I still struggle in deciding on matters.. Maybe because at times I get blinded by the possible outcome.. That I decide without thinking things over.. Sometimes I tend to get pressured.. Sometime I just decide just because.. And whenever this happens, I close my eyes, breathe, and try to assess things, try to make the right decision before it's too late.. I go back in trusting my senses.. Call on my intuition.. Strategize.. Then choose...

Day 02: Something you regret not having done last year

Hmmnnn.. 2010 Has basically been all about work.. That's where my life revolved.. Anything that I regret not having done? I should have gone out more.. I wished I got drunk with my friends more.. I should have tried being honest about how I feel with what is happening around me.. I should have relaxed more.. Laughed more.. Smiled more..

I have a lot of things I regret not having done.. The list goes on and on.. Some I may have forgotten.. But I am moving on.. I will be better.. I feel, I know, that I have changed and I have changed bigtime.. I am stronger..

I have learned now not to have any regrets in life.. Whatever is in the present is a result of decisions that I have made in the past.. And I decided that whatever I choose, I choose at will, and I will not look back and regret it..

I rarely encounter this question.. So it's hard for me to think of an answer.. And as I have mentioned, I am living a life that I would not want to be full of regrets.. I would rather have a life that resulted from a lifetime's worth of learnings, a life lived with a lot of knowledge and inspiration, of happiness.. It may be hard to achieve, but heck, life ain't easy..

I still have a lot to prove, I am still young, I still have a lot of decisions to make, but whatever my choices are, I will hold on to it with no regrets.. Regret is such a feeling that weighs you down, consumes you, makes you blame circumstances and make excuses, and I am not the type to do that..

Day 01: Something you're looking forward to this year

On day 1 of my 30 Day Writing Challenge, it asks to discuss about something that you are looking forward to this year..

Basically it's almost year-end but to answer the question, I am excited about our Christmas Party.. My co-trainees decided that we have our Christmas Party this coming 23rd, and we will have an outing this 16th.. This means that I'll have more opportunities in getting to know them better.. I've had a lot of good times with them already.. But just like some things.. They can be addicting to be with.. And I love listening to their conversations.. Not because I love rumors.. Believe me.. They can be sensible at times.. And I learn from what comes out of their mouth..

I look forward to the end of this year.. Look back and contemplate.. Think of all that had happened to me for the year.. And learn from all the experiences.. Appreciate the good things that happened.. Thank all the people that had been part of my life.. And hope that they stay and be with me through the coming years..

Look forward to set new goals.. And I am determined to make them happen no matter what.. I no longer want to look for the circumstance that I want.. I WILL MAKE THEM!!!

New 30 Day Blog Challenge

So I was looking for a new set of list that I may prefer to follow since the first one was a bit too boring.. I found a site (http://danacreative.blogspot.com/2011/01/30-day-writing-challenge.html) and the challenge actually tickled my fancy.. And to add, it had a parameter for the challenge.. I need to make a blog of at least 250 words and max 1000 words.. Which may be more if you are inspired.. So wish me luck.. :)

Cheers!!!

Day 01: Something you're looking forward to this year.

Day 02: Something you regret not having done last year.

Day 03: Something with which you struggle.

Day 04: Something that is part of your routine that you enjoy.

Day 05: Something in life that gives you balance.

Day 06: Something that excites you and fills you with joy.

Day 07: Vacation Hiatus

Day 08: Vacation Hiatus

Day 09: Vacation Hiatus

Day 10: Something at which you've been a champion or the best.

Day 11: Something about which people seem to compliment you.

Day 12: Something you hope to change about yourself and why.

Day 13: Discuss some of the things on your bucket list.

Day 14: Someone who has made your life worth living.

Day 15: A band/musical artist whose music impacted your life.

Day 16: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 17: Someone with whom you shared a friendship/relationship that simply drifted out of your life.

Day 18: Someone you met randomly that's made an impact on your life.

Day 19: Something that shook your belief system to its core (a big disappointment in your life).

Day 20: Discuss your favorite movie and why it's so special to you.

Day 21: Write about your best friend (not significant other) and what makes them special.

Day 22: Describe a dark/turbulent moment in your life.

Day 23: Describe a truly spiritual moment in your life.

Day 24: Discuss a spontaneous moment in your life that that turned out to be fantastic.

Day 25: Discuss something you planned that ended up not being what you expected.

Day 26: How do you handle/deal with both success and failure?

Day 27: What is your vocation (why are you here on earth)?

Day 28: What is your biggest dream in life (what one great thing do you want to accomplish)?

Day 29: What WAS your biggest dream in life (you wanted to do as a kid but no longer can)?

Day 30: Someone in your family that means so much to you.

Day 31: Epilogue: Write a letter to yourself.

Reset..

I noticed that the 30 Day Challenge that I got is a bit boring so I'll find another one.. Something that will really wake up the writer in me and make my blog more interesting..

Wish me luck..